Are you fed up with trying to conceive?
Do you ever feel fed up with fertility and "trying to conceive"? Some days you feel like throwing in the towel altogether and letting your efforts go by the wayside.
You've gone to extraordinary lengths. You've stopped drinking coffee and alcohol, you're taking a truckload of vitamins, you're exercising, getting poked by needles, thinking positive and having sex relentlessly. You live, breathe, and eat fertility. Literally.
Then another period comes. Another negative pregnancy test and you feel like gorging on a box of cookies, downing a pot of coffee, and throwing back a few jello shots (or maybe more like a bottle of good wine).
I get it. It's completely understandable. The problem is you end up falling into the old one-step-forward-two-steps-back routine. Your body and mind don't get the chance to reap the benefits of your cumulative efforts. You lose momentum.
So how do you go about enjoying your life and "letting it happen" when you're also trying to be proactive about conceiving? In other words, how do you stay sane?
Allow me to bring it back to the famous quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson,
"It's the journey, not the destination."
We all get fixated on our goal, the destination. It's natural. It's your reason for your journey.
We think, if only I had that house, or that job, or more money, or a baby, then my life would be great. Then I could relax. Then I'd be happy.
And then you fall into a waiting pattern. Waiting for life to start when xyz happens.
We compare ourselves to others that have what we want. We think, it must be fabulous being her. She's got the perfect life. She's got two kids and she's pregnant again. She must be so happy.
The truth is that woman who looks like her life is so perfect may be happy or she may not. She may feel totally unfulfilled in life and having three kids makes it that much harder for her to find herself. Either way, it's not her kids that fulfill her. She chooses to fulfill herself. Or not.
When you reach your goal and hold your baby in your arms, it will feel amazing. Beyond words. In the meantime, the journey can be tortuous. Or it can be a beautiful path, not without it's challenges, but your goal gives you a reason to explore the depths of your strength and find deeper meaning to your life that depends not on your circumstances, but comes from within you.
When things come easily, we get lazy. You're not forced to go deeper. You're not forced to reevaluate a life of routine, like sitting on the couch each night watching TV, not connecting with your partner, eating mindlessly, falling asleep and waking up and going to a job you hate everyday.
Maybe you don't do this, but we all have areas of complacency.
We can all stand to live MORE.
So I encourage you to reframe your efforts. That you're not doing things just for fertility or just because you're trying to conceive. Your reason, your inspiration, is your baby. But the journey is a healthier, more fulfilled you.
Eat healthy and exercise because it feels great, lifts your mood and boosts your energy. And because you'll look fabulous when you're 50. Have sex with your sweetie because you're in love and young and you've still got it! Take supplements to improve your immune system and ward off cancer and Alzheimer's and other things you'd prefer going without in life. Work less and play more to have fun. Change jobs because the stress isn't worth it. Get acupuncture because it's relaxing and balancing. Go the doctors as an act of self care.
Let the journey be an ongoing practice of self-love.