“Do you feel jealous when you see pregnant women?”
If you do, you are not alone. I want to reassure you of that. I know a lot of women feel guilty and ashamed by feeling jealous and angry when they hear that someone they know is pregnant.
It's normal to have all sort of feelings around it.
Watch my video to learn how to cope.
I know a lot of women feel really guilty and really ashamed by feeling jealous and angry, and all sorts of feelings, when they hear that someone they know is pregnant. Maybe it's your sister, or your sister in law, or your best friend, or a co-worker, or if you see pregnant women or babies out and about, which of course, you're going to see that. You're going to see them all the time.
It's going to feel like they're just coming out of the woodwork and just taunting you. First of all, of course you're going to have more of an eye for this and obviously you're also in this time of your life. You're going to notice it and it's normal to just have all sorts of feelings around it.
First and foremost, honor those feelings rather than shaming yourself. There's no need to shame yourself, there's no need to feel like you're a bad person because you're jealous or you're angry or any of these feelings. If you are a bad person, that means every single woman over the past 10 years...I mean, we're talking thousands of women here that I've helped have felt the same way, so they're all bad women too.
I don't think that you would think any of these women are bad women. In fact, these women are some of the most amazing, beautiful, selfless, loving women that I've ever met. Women that have served women that are caring for other people and they also feel angry, jealous, sad, mad, and so forth, and then guilty for feeling those feelings when they hear about a friend's pregnancy or see a pregnant women.
What's always worse when we have these icky feelings is the shame and the guilt that we pile on top of these uncomfortable feelings already. It's just then this big, big pile of icky feelings.
First thing I really would invite you to do is when these feelings come up, think of yourself talking to a child. Think of it as your inner child that hasn't had needs met, or is having some feelings. Now, if you're child were to see another girl and be jealous of that girl because, let's say, she has a horse, or a pet doggy and she was angry and sad, would you then tell that child, "You're bad. You shouldn't feel that way. You shouldn't feel jealous, you shouldn't feel angry or sad. You shouldn't feel any of those feelings."
No. I'm sure you wouldn't. You'd probably say, "Oh, I understand, honey. Of course you want that puppy, as well. That would be so wonderful and so fun having a puppy. You would be a wonderful caretaker of that puppy. I know that you just want to love on that puppy and you would be so great at that. I really understand your feelings and I'd like to give you a hug."
That's most likely how you would talk to this child. Imagine this is your inner child, this is inside you. You want to think about how you're talking to yourself and that you can be your own best friend, your own best source of support.
First thing's first, when you feel these feelings, to acknowledge them, and say, I understand. I understand, my dear Heidi, if it were me. Of course you feel these feelings. It's been a really hard journey. That's just a reminder of what you don't have and it hurts.
Then, once you acknowledge those feelings and you honor them and you comfort yourself through them then you can go to a place of potentially shifting them. They're not going to shift when you're in this place of shame, and making yourself feel even worse for just having those feelings.
Then you can also ask yourself, what support do you need? How can I help you? You're feeling really sad, what do you need? Do you maybe need to go do something to make yourself better, what makes you feel good? Do you need to talk to somebody?
Maybe you have some upcoming event that you're really feeling a lot of anxiety around a family gathering, a baby shower, something like that. Do you need to maybe say no, and allow yourself, give yourself permission to protect yourself to set up some boundaries? Maybe you are able to go to that baby shower, but you just need to give yourself some time first to go through all of these feelings, or you need to seek out somebody for support that you can talk to.
You're always welcome to come to my free Facebook group, Balance and Restore Your Fertility and you can share your feelings there and you can get the support that you need. That's a really good resource.
Again, asking yourself what support do you need, what can you give yourself?
After you have honored your feelings, then I really recommend that you affirm yourself, and all that you're doing, all that you've gone through. After you've said, you know, I understand you feel this way, I'm so sorry, it's been so hard. Then you can say, you know what? You've been so strong. Even though you've had all these disappointments, you still get back up again and you still research what can help. You haven't given up on yourself. Look, you've changed your diet, you're a lot healthier, you're getting acupuncture, you're doing Heidi's program. You have more energy, you're eating cleaner, all of these things.
Affirm what you've done. You have been so kind and shown up in other people's lives, and gone to the baby showers, or given baby gifts, and offered the best attitude, and best energy that you possibly could even though you're struggling. Really recognize all of the strengths, all of the things that you've gone through for yourself so you can help yourself to feel good and grounded in your strength, in your fortitude.
Then, I would invite you to practice, when possible... opening up to when you do see a pregnant woman, or a baby, or you get a pregnancy announcement, allow yourself to go through this process that I explained. Then, if you could also use that as a reminder to affirm yourself that it's a sign. Tell yourself, this is a sign that it's coming to me.
I'm sure we've all experienced...I know there's a lot of talk about manifesting things, and the law of attraction, and we've all experienced both side of it, right? We've experienced really believing that it'll come to us, and then it does. It's amazing, and it's like, wow, I really manifested that. Then, I'm sure we've all experienced a time where we've hoped and hoped, and tried to manifest something and it still doesn't come. We're like, this doesn't work, right? Well, it hasn't worked yet, or maybe there's still some things that we're not aware of that will be gifts along the way, like eating cleaner. Maybe we have to eat cleaner in order for us to get pregnant. It's frustrating that we couldn't get pregnant right away, but there's this lifelong gift of having a healthier body all around that will benefit not only us, but benefit our babies, our children as we are able to be around for them and set a healthier example.
Sometimes, these struggles or things that don't manifest right away is because they still have these other gifts to offer us, even though we're kind of blind to that and we want it to go a certain way. It can be hard to surrender that control.
I still invite you to use that trigger as a sign to say to yourself, this is on it's way. I am fertile. I am taking this as a sign that this is my destiny. It just feels better, right? It feels better to put a positive twist on it. You have the choice, using your mind to interpret things however you want to interpret them. Again, that is not jumping over the emotional process and acknowledging your feelings, and honoring them. Honoring your boundaries and your limitations.
That is hopefully going to help you when you see any pregnant women, and get announcements, and I hope that does support you.
If you want more support, my approach in not just about getting your eggs healthier and balancing your hormones, and all of the mechanics and physical things that you need to do to prepare yourself for a pregnancy, but my approach is also about mindset because Chinese medicine, which is a holistic medicine, does not see the body, the mind, the Spirit as separate. It's all part of the same. Your emotions, your thoughts, they affect your physical health, and your physical health affects your fertility...I'm sorry, also affects your emotions.
You want to make sure you're taking a well rounded approach to supporting your fertility. That's the approach that I take. Not only focusing on your body, but also your mindset and your emotional health, as well. If you want to learn more about my approach then I would invite you to sign up for my free Fertility Activation Checklist.
Just click on it, it's free, and it'll be delivered to your inbox immediately.