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“My doctor said I need to use an egg donor and I’m devastated. Now what?”
Today, I want to talk about something that absolutely breaks my heart. If you’ve been given this speech by your doctor that you need to use an egg donor, you know exactly how devastating this feels. Please watch my video to learn what you can do now.
It breaks my heart when a woman comes to me after she’s been to her fertility doctor, and she’s just broken hearted because her fertility doctor gave her the speech, the “you need to use an egg donor” speech.
So, if you have gotten this speech, I’m sure you know exactly how it feels, obviously, and what I’m talking about.
And you’re not alone because every woman, who has been given this speech, is just devastated afterwards. They’re full of grief, even anger towards the doctor for … it feels like an insult and just like, well how do you know? Why are you giving up on my eggs? Have we tried enough?
And just shock to let go of the idea of having your own genetic child. And just feeling like your eggs are failing you. And so it just brings up so many emotions. So if you’ve gone through this, everything that you’ve felt or are feeling is completely normal. But it’s absolutely heartbreaking to me.
What I want to share with you today is that while your doctor has the best of intentions, of course, because they want you to be successful at having a healthy baby, and most likely they feel like they’ve run out of options; they have nothing else to offer. Maybe you’ve had failed IVF cycles or maybe they just feel that after they’ve done a workup with you that the only way you’ll be successful, or your very, very best chances of success would be to use an egg donor. And it certainly is a wonderful option, and can be the best option in some cases.
However, in my experience, I’ve found that it’s often a premature suggestion, and it’s often based on an assumption that either your eggs are bad quality or your egg supply is so low that you can’t make a healthy embryo, healthy baby from the eggs that you have left, and assuming that there’s nothing that you can do to improve the situation.
But what I often see is that failed IVF cycles are a result of not having properly prepared for the IVF cycle. And that’s why it may have failed. And this is true whether you’ve been diagnosed with poor egg equality or low ovarian reserve, diminished ovarian reserve. And you may have some other complicating factors like hypothyroidism or endometriosis, MTHR factor. Your hormones may have been imbalanced, you may have had an irregular cycle, or all of the above. There’s a lot of different issues.
And the thing with the western medical fertility approaches, they’re going to offer you a solution, IUI, IVF, egg donor that is based on where you are now and what they can do from the point that you’re at now. You’re not getting pregnant naturally, so therefore they’re going to offer drugs and a procedure.
Now, the drugs and the procedure can only work as well as your body is prepared for them. So, the drugs can’t work miracles alone. The drugs are not going to make your eggs healthier. If anything, the drugs can make your eggs less healthy. They’re not going to improve the number of eggs that you have in your reserve that your ovaries are pulling out for ovulation. Yes, it will force your ovaries to ovulate more this particular cycle, but it’s not going to improve your overall ovarian function.
So, if you don’t prepare your body in advance for the IVF cycle, then the IVF procedure, the drugs and so forth, may not have a whole lot to work with. And that’s why it may fail. And so, you can’t really blame the doctors for using the tools that they have.
However, what does upset me is that they’re probably not acknowledging that … and open minded to the fact that there’s a lot of things that you can do to prepare your body so that you can get better results from IVF. In fact, many doctors kind of scare their patients into like, you better do IVF right now or yesterday because you’re running out of time, your clock is ticking. If you don’t do it as soon as possible, your eggs are just going to shrivel up and die, and you’re done.
But in my case, even if you’re in your forties, even if you have poor egg quality, diminished ovarian reserve, it is still crucial to prepare for your IVF cycle. So no, you don’t want wait around forever. Months and months go by. Sure, but it’s not … and you don’t want to let time pass without doing anything. But if you take three months to prepare for your IVF cycle, and you use like all the tools that I teach, then what you’re doing with that time can actually reverse what the toll that age and lifestyle and so forth has taken on your fertility so that you can improve egg quality, so that you can improve your hormonal balance, so that you can improve your uterine environment and so forth, so that the IVF has a lot more to work with.
So, this is not a method that western fertility doctors employ. They don’t typically refer patients to someone like me who’s going to teach you how to get your body ready for IVF so that you have a better chance of success. So your IVF may have failed because you just weren’t properly prepared for it, rather than you’re done and you can only use an egg donor.
But this is just really not their medicine.
Also was male factor addressed? You know, if your male partner has any issues on his end, which 40% of all infertility cases are a combination of both male and female fertility issues. But they don’t have anything to address male fertility issues. They’re still going to say IUI or IVF or egg donor. And if you improve your male partner’s fertility as well, then you are going to be creating healthier embryos, so that can be contributing to factor for your IVF to be successful.
So I’ve had a lot of clients who came to me after they’ve had failed IVF cycles. I told a story of Erin in my last week’s video. So, if you haven’t seen that, then I suggest you watch that one too.
And another story comes to mind of a client of mine, Gabby, who had been trying for, I don’t know, I think something like seven years. She’d had many failed IVF cycles, and she was approaching 40, and she got the egg donor speech, and she just wasn’t ready to do that. And so she ended up using my methods and then she got pregnant naturally, with twins.
And I’ve also had cases, there’s another case, Devon, the same thing. She did three IVF cycles, she had endometriosis, she had had a miscarriage and IVFs didn’t work. And then she used my methods and she went back to do IVF, and she finally had a successful IVF. Her IVFs before she wasn’t getting any embryos – she couldn’t even get to transfer. And then the second time she got to transfer, but they just weren’t good quality embryos. And this time it was the first time her embryos were healthy enough that she could freeze a bunch, and then the first one that she transferred work.
Okay, so it’s really important for you to advocate for yourself. Now, all this being said, I do want to say that if you choose to use an egg donor, then that is absolutely a wonderful option. It can be a difficult bridge to cross, to kind of grieve and accept not using your own egg. And it can be a faster route to your ultimate goal, which is to have a healthy baby. And the odds may be higher. They may be more in your favor depending on your situation to use an egg donor.
And so just know that if that is your option, I’m absolutely not shooting that option down. I just know that it’s a really difficult place for most women to get to, and couples,` and usually what they have to do is try everything first with their own eggs.
I’ve known a few couples that were willing to just say, you know what? That’s fine. I don’t need to use my own eggs. We just want to have a healthy baby, and we just want to move on with our lives, and we want to have it sooner than later. So if egg donor gives us the best chances of doing that, we’re fine, let’s move forward with it.
But most women and couples are just not ready, and they want to exhaust having tried everything first. I know it can just feel so devastating to hear that news, and that’s why I found it so important to tell you this message that you have to understand that the fertility doctors are going to see things through their particular lens, and I’m offering you a different lens to see things through.
But I also want you to know that should you choose to use an egg donor, because I’ve of course had many clients who have used egg donors as well, it’s definitely a process to accept that choice. And then once you move forward with the choice, it can be a relief to just be moving forward and know that you’re getting that much closer to your dream of holding your baby in your arms and being a mommy.
And then as the process continues, it’s exciting, and then it becomes just as if you were using your own eggs, pretty much except for, you know, some considerations like, okay, how will I tell people? Will I tell people? How will I tell my child in the future, and so forth.
Some of these considerations that come along with this choice, but when all of said and done, and you’re pregnant, and then you give birth and you’re breastfeeding, if you’re able to breastfeed, or taking care of your child. There is just no difference. This is what I’ve seen, that there is no difference.
That baby is just as much yours, and you’re just as connected and feel that it’s just as much yours as if it were genetically connected … yours genetically. So, in the final result, it will feel the same. At least that’s what I’ve witnessed with my clients. So it’s certainly a wonderful option as well.
P.S. Wanna learn more? Watch my FREE 4-Step Fertility Reset Masterclass by going HERE. My proven baby-making strategy that works no matter what you’ve tried before, how old you are or how messed up you think your fertility is (I’ve seen it all!)!