When you're trying to conceive and it's not happening fast enough, It's normal to feel like you're the only one on the face of the planet that's not getting pregnant.
So many women and patients come and tell me, "Everywhere I look I see pregnant women! My sisters, my friends, Facebook friends, my coworkers all seem to be announcing their pregnancies. Every woman I see walking down the street is pregnant!
"Why am I not getting pregnant?!"
It's hard not compare ourselves to others, especially when OTHERS have what WE want. We may feel like failures or that we're intentionally being punished by the Gods and Goddesses.
In other words, it's hard not to take it personally.
So I'd like to start off by saying, you're not alone. Of course everywhere you look you're seeing what you don't have because that's what you're paying attention to. At least that's a big part of it.
What I usually advise women to practice, so you're not brought down by the sight of a pregnant belly bringing, is to take each pregnant belly as a sign from your inner self that the world is reflecting back to you your goals and dreams. AND it's sending you a message that your dream WILL manifest for you. Whether you believe it's true or not, it sure feels a lot better than thinking the world is rubbing salt in your wounds.
Celebrity and yoga teacher, Brenda Strong, shared this beautiful statement with me during her expert interview for my Chinese Medicine for Fertility Summit...
"If you want to be a parent, you will be.
The how or when is yet to be determined." -Brenda Strong
Brenda and I also discussed that it's usually our struggles in life that unexpectedly bring the most valuable gifts. In fact, Brenda shared that her fertility yoga practice wouldn't have to come to her is she hadn't experienced fertility issues herself. It's now her passion to teach her fertility yoga to others.
We never know how difficult experiences in our lives will change us for the better even when they're wrapped up in what seems like a terribly ugly package.
I don't mean to say it's easy if you just have the 'right attitude' or that you should deny the heartache and frustration of any situation, but to be stay open to the good and the bad, to try to accept the value of it all.
Maybe one gift from the situation is growing closer to your partner. Maybe it's leading a healthier lifestyle. I just had a new patient tell me she's been an alcoholic for 10 years but stopped drinking now that she's ready to conceive. What a gift that will change her life, regardless of the how and when she becomes a parent!
And it's easy to fall into the blaming-yourself-trap. This woman beat herself up and felt shameful about her excessive drinking in the past, wondering if she'd ruined herself forever. I reassured her that, of course, lifestyle choices take their toll, but some women smoke crack and eat potato chips for breakfast and can't seem to NOT get pregnant.
There's no rhyme or reason and it'll drive you bananas trying to make sense of it. But I know for sure that blaming yourself will only make you feel worse.
What you DO have control over are your choices you make NOW, including and probably most importantly, the choice of self-love.
It's also important to remember that everyone has a physical weakness. We're not robots. We're imperfect organic beings. Our bodies go in and out of balance all day long. For some of us, our imbalances affect our digestive system, for others it's our reproductive system.
This doesn't mean you're cursed or unworthy of being a mother. It just happens to be a vulnerable area for you. At least in this moment in time, it's calling your attention to be healed.
With any health issue, you're body has a message for you. Think about exploring it with an attitude of love, gratitude and curiosity rather than shame, inferiority or resentment.
Remember the TRILLIONS of things your body does RIGHT everyday. (Your body literally carries out trillions of biological activities on a daily basis.)
So next time you want to ask, "Why am I not getting pregnant", instead consider asking, "How can I best support myself and my body through this experience?" Because it is all beautifully and heartachingly uniquely YOURS.
And remember, patience is the name of the game. (And trust me, I know the challenge of patience as I am NOT naturally gifted with this virtue!) It can take a while for things to go out of balance in our systems, so it only makes sense that it will take some time to restore it.
If you want to learn more about why you're not getting pregnant, check out the 19 in-depth expert interviews from fertility experts all over the world in my Chinese Medicine for Fertility Summit by clicking here.
All my love,